I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She bit a glass in half.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
