What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
