Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I touched a dick in church today
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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