He uses pillows to masturbate.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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