Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am one with the molecules
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize