you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
