I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
