I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize