I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you never un-have a 4some
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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