I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
