i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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