another moral hangover. fuck.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
