I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
