Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
