trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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