i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
