You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize