I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Who died my cat blue again?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
