Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
