8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
