after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
