You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize