Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize