ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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