I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
