even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
