You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
