2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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