you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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