Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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