ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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