I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
