Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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