what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
