I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
