He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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