the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
