My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
