its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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