Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
