PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i came on her dog
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
