you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
