Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
