No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
