I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
