you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
