I think my vagina is haunted
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize