Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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