dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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