I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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