Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
