So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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