Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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