My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
