Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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