the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
