ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
