just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
