i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize