he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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