just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
