So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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