I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
