Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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