oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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