So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
