Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
