It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
