What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
