Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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