a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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