I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
