HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
