Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
