could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
jump out the window naked night went bad
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