Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
