PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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