Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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